The Pool’s Not Safe – Piranha 3DD Review

Piranha-3DD-Banner

It’s no big secret that I have a fascination with terrible movies. I get just as much, if not more, amusement from watching a B-movie than I do from watching a movie that is legitimately well made. But I can’t simply watch any old piece of crap. The B-movies that really speak to me start out with the best intentions, and they end up being unintentionally funny. Case and point being, The Room. The other types of B-movies I love are the ones in which the cast and crew know exactly how stupid their plot is and how bad their effects are. The actors, writers, and the director just have fun and try to convey that to the audience. Though it had the makings for greatness, Piranha 3DD is anything but fun.

Piranha 3DD is the sequel no one asked for to the fun 2010 movie, Piranha 3D. On the surface, both movies are identical. They both are extremely gratuitous in both nudity and violence, they have paper thin-plots, and they both have show no shame shoving their 3D effects down your throat.

Piranha-3DD-TheHoff-640x360

This sad sequel fails mainly because it reeks of effort. Though the premise of the piranha finding their way into the pipes of a water park staffed by stripper lifeguards is highly amusing, the jokes that resulted from this setup felt extremely forced. Essentially nothing happens for the first half of the movie, and, once the feast at the water park begins, each death struggles to seem more “entertaining” than the last. The gorefest from the first movie was the best part (aside from the constant Girls Gone Wild-esque flashing), but this time around it was a boring chore to sit through.

However, this movie is not entirely devoid of entertainment. Thankfully, Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames took some time to come by the set and chew the scenery for a bit. Both actors bring over-the-top performances to a movie that desperately needed…well, anything to keep my interest.

In hindsight, I can see why this Piranha 3DD was not really playing on many local screens around me. It takes a perfectly good, dumb movie, and forgets to make it fun to watch. Much of the charm that its predecessor had was that the cast and crew were in on the joke. I’m not sure they got the memo this time around.

Piranha-3DD-ReviewInPictures-150x150
for how there were at least two things I liked about this movie.

tl;dr – Obviously this movie is not going for Oscars and it should not be taken too seriously. However, I was seriously confused how you can make a movie about a pool full of prehistoric piranha boring.

Rich Coonelly

3 comments

Why would you link an adult website in this post without marking it NSFW?

An oversight, Derek. All apologies! Link removed.

No worries. Thankfully I’m in my last week at my current job and I work in IT so I can explain it to the InfoSec guys!

Leave a reply

required*