Having recently jumped back into the world of Dungeons and Dragons after a hiatus of about 10 years, the question of what I see in it or why I enjoy it has been brought up more than a few times by those around me. Not maliciously mind you, just more of a curiosity since most of the people I hang out with these days don’t have any connection to the game and have never played it. It’s understandable that they wonder what a man in his 30’s gets out of it.

When I get talking about it to people that ask but have no idea what the game is, the answer becomes a lot more involved than just saying “it’s fun” or that “I enjoy it.” Of course I could talk about the world of D&D, the depth or the lore or the joy of killing Beholders. I could talk about the rules of combat and the addictions to polyhedral dice. But I don’t. What I talk about is friendships, and that in no uncertain terms Dungeons and Dragons changed my life in incredibly positive ways.

How? I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had rolling dice, roleplaying characters and killing monsters. Spending more hours than I could possibly count laughing, arguing, celebrating and high-fiving the highs and lows of grand adventure in fantastic worlds. Friends that went on to transcend the game and become welcome additions in my life. We’ve gone to school together, watched each other get married, and have now begun having children.

The first time I played Dungeons and Dragons was probably around 1991, when I was 14. I suppose technically it was Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (also know as AD&D or 2nd edition). I was great friends with one of the guys that played and just kind of figured I’d tag along one time since I really had nothing else to do. I met a handful of people that day that over the years would become very close, with D&D being the groundwork for the friendships. And in one case, a friendship reborn.

Our group of friends played Dungeons and Dragons for hours upon hours, finding any reason to gather and roll dice with short breaks for pizza and Street Fighter II on the SNES. Through high school and most of college that same group stayed intact and kept on playing, though real life responsibilities began to seriously cut down on game time. Eventually, the group split apart when a few of us moved away for jobs and while some of stayed close, the group was definitely scattered.

The one friend that first introduced me to the game was without question the best friend I’ve ever had in my life. Sadly though, through equal part youth and stupidity, we had a falling out and stopped talking altogether. We grew up, got married and generally got older/wiser. After about 6 years we bumped into each other and, while neither was still upset (or could put their finger on exactly what happened), it felt awkward. Over the next year or so we tried a few times to restart the friendship, but it just never got traction. I think we both sort of just chalked it up to too much time passing, and that was that.

Fast forward a year or so and I find myself at PAX East, wandering the halls, watching people playing D&D, and feeling this wave of nostalgia come over me… it was something I didn’t even realize I missed so badly. The next few months after the show I found myself thinking about how much fun I used to have playing. I decided I was going to find a group of people to play the game with… and I knew exactly who to call to get the ball rolling.

As luck would have it, not only was my friend still playing (with a totally new group and running 3.5 edition), but hell yes I could join in. Something clicked sitting across the table rolling dice and fighting for a common goal. The jokes came back and felt natural, we laughed, cheered, argued and consoled over battles won and lost. It didn’t feel like we were trying to force the friendship to re-connect… it was just happening on its own. I didn’t notice it at the time, but Dungeons and Dragons proved a better facilitator than I ever realized. The game is a shared experience that, with the right group of people, rewards teamwork and fosters honest and true relationships. While I still regret the years I lost with my friend, I’m thankful for the years we have now ahead of us.

As if that weren’t a good enough endorsement for Dungeons and Dragons, it’s just one example of how the game brings people together. As of late I’ve also been attending an “Encounters” weekly session at my local comic shop, and the other people that began as strangers are now fast becoming friends. Will they rise to those close friends I got from playing back when I was a kid? Probably not. But that’s really a fact of life when making friends as an adult… time spent socializing is limited, so it’s just different.

I love playing Dungeons and Dragons. I love talking about it. I love teaching people how to play. I’ve started a game with some friends (including fellow PGM’er Kevin Alexander) that have never played before and I’m DM’ing for the first time, and it makes me happy to see them have the kind of fun I associate with the game. I’ve even started a group at the local library to teach kids how to play. I think that’s why I don’t really care about different editions of the game or get involved in arguments about which one is awesome and which “suck.” They all facilitate the bonds of friendship, so the rules errata is irrelevant to me. I believe in the power of the shared experience, especially when it relates to playing games, and think we’d all be a little better off with some good social play time. Now, let’s get those dice out and start rolling!